So after an exhaustively tiring week, it was awesome just to spend the weekend doing absolutely nothing except exploring downtown Charlotte with James and Jasmine. Doing nothing gave me some time to sort through my ever crowed brain and ponder the craziness that is my life. I guess when it comes to mommy-hood, I have quite a ways to go before I become the subject matter expert. I’m still adapting to my role nine months later. I’m a bit slow on the uptake. I don’t think it helped matters that the first four months were spent hiding away in the apartment. But, I have no one to blame but myself, still I wish I had been given a heads up about what to expect when breastfeeding.
At 25, I’m still a bit shy when it comes to baring the bod. Even in my pre-pregnancy days I was a bit reluctant to wear overly revealing clothing. Now days you have a better chance of seeing Tebow bringing the tuna casserole to an atheist luncheon than you do of catching me in a bikini. Which is why I’m still not too keen on the idea of breastfeeding Jasmine in public. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve fed her in the car, and a few other places, but I’ve never popped out one of my girls in the middle of a crowded restaurant to feed her. So far, I guess I’ve been lucky.
Anyhow, back to my original point. I remember the one thing that scared me the most about becoming a mother was the idea that my social life would just completely wither up and die like Lindsey Lohan's career after I Know Who Killed Me. However, I’m finding that it’s still very possible to have hobbies, to work out, and even to visit with friends.
I think that in a way motherhood is what you make it. If you want to be miserable, and constantly complain about how hectic your life is, it will be. Personally I’ve always been a glass half-full kind of person. I know mothers who have four children, and they are always on the go, exploring new places, volunteering, taking up new projects, ect. I also know mothers who have one child, and do nothing but sit around and reminisces about how much “easier” their lives were before they had children and how much they miss those days. I have no sympathy for the latter. Don’t get me wrong, there were certain aspects about my life that were “easier” before Jasmine came into the picture, but there has never been a moment when I wished that I didn’t have her because she’s putting a crimp in my social life. Every night as I lay my daughter down in her crib, I look at that sweet face and thank God for my daughter. I just hope that when she’s sixteen, has multiple body piercings, purple hair, and is talking back to me, I will be able to look at her and see that same sweet little baby girl whose smile lights up the room every morning I come in to wake her up.