"He's With Me."

"He's With Me."

Three little words I have grown quite accustomed to saying in the past four years. It's weird, before James and I got together, I never thought twice about the difficulties that interracial couples faced when trying to establish their relationship in public. I lived with the assumption that people understood that interracial couples were just as prevalent and accepted as non-mixed couples. I blame it on having spent the majority of my life in another country.

For the most part, people aren't rude to us. It's just that sometimes they don't realize that we are a couple. Like for instance when we go out to in public to a store or restaurant. Nine times out of ten we can expect that the sales person or waiter will begin talking to one of us, and then turn to the other and ask if we need help. At which point, I'll typically respond by saying, "he's with me."

I'm not going to lie, sometimes I'll purposely lay it on thick for the shock value. Like that one time we were in an elevator with a black woman who was obviously very angry at the fact that we were together. So of course, I snuggled up to James and gave him a long lingering  "Notebook" worthy kiss and told him I loved him. I thought her head was going to explode. When the elevator finally reached her stop, she all but ran out of the elevator. We both thought it was pretty hilarious. Why get angry when there's nothing that we can do to change anything? So instead we choose to search for the humor in the situation. And if there's no humor, we'll find a way to make it humorous.

In the beginning we fought back. When people would glare at us, we would glare back, but now we've just decided to let the ignorant remain ignorant while we show them that interracial couples love just as hard. I guess until people catch on, I might as well face the fact that I'll be saying "He's with me" for a long time.

So my question of the day, have you ever seen interracial couples being harassed? How do you feel about that?
 XOXO Reese

18 comments :

  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Unfortunately, we face the same issue - at airports, at hotels, at restaurants. Mostly it is when we are out of town, but we've had a few instances in NYC. Anyway, I can totally identify - there are always a lot of "oh, actually, we're together" comments. I agree with you though...there is no way to change it so just going with the flow and trying to laugh it off as much as possible seems to be the way to go. Thanks again for sharing :)

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    1. Eeek I thought things were better in NYC. I've noticed it gets worse as we head into smaller towns, but the cities are generally a bit more accepting...or not. So sorry you have to experience this as well. I have faith that one day people will understand that love knows no color :)

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  2. I'm glad I am not alone with this issue. I deal with it all of the time. And the fact that my daughter is of a darker skin tone than me, people sometimes act shocked that I am her mother. Or they give us weird looks. I always thought that people wouldn't be so shocked because it's like the 20th century! But they still act like it's a big deal. Anymore I just say oh well, because my daughter is loved just as much as she would be if me and her father were of the same color.

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  3. Of course you're not alone. It's funny, I get the same looks because my daughter is lighter than me. Some of the comments I've gotten, they just drive my blood to boiling.

    I love what you said about your daughter being loved just as much as she would be if you and her father were the same color :) I'll have to remember to tell my daughter the same thing when she gets older and starts asking questions.

    Reese

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  4. I am in an interracial relationship myself and my husband looks more white than puerto rican. When we first started dating 14 years ago, we got so mmuch stares and comments, but now, not so much. Maybe we don't notice it anymore? but I figured out really early that paying those folks any mind would be pointless and a waste of energy!

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  5. For the most part my husband and I do not get any negative feedback from other people when we are out in public. We live in a small town outside of St. Louis that is 99% caucasian. People will look twice at us, but nothing more comes of it. Since having our son (who we think is pretty darn cute) we usually always get smiles from others when the three of us are out together.

    I did receive more negative attitude when I lived in Alabama and dated non-caucasian men. I still believe interracial relationships continue to spark negativity more so in the South than anywhere else in the country. Of course, this is merely my own personal experience. I am not for certain that is how it really is.

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  6. Hi Reese! I just love this post! I just started following you and I was ever so nicely greeted by this as my first post. Hubby and I have been together for almost 20 years and it's so common place to see interracial couples here (in Nashville area). I'm black and hubby is white and it's funny how people will ask if my daughters are mine. It was totally different when we first started dated but I don't even give it a second thought now. And those ignorant people are everywhere. Go #teamswirl...LOL Love the blog too!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind comment :) I have a friend in the Nashville area who is also in an interracial relationship, and she has told me that thing are pretty mixed out there so they don't get a lot of the negative comments/looks/behavior that you find in the smaller towns.

      I can imagine that you've seen and experienced quite a bit in a 20 year relationship. It's good to know there's been so much improvement. Maybe one day 20 years from now it will no longer be an issue. Here's to hoping.

      p.s love the "teamswirl" nickname.

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  7. I've been there, done that. I'm mixed myself, and my husband is Black. I remember people asking me if I was babysitting, or "Where is this kid's mom?" and I'm like, "Right here!" LOL

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    1. Oh my goodness I hate that "where's her momma" question. I've been asked that a lot as well. I wish people would just think before they speak.

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  8. What a great post! I can not say I have experienced (or witnessed) this, but I have no doubt it happens which is unfortunate. I'm of Latino descent (Puerto Rican and Mexican) while my husband's family is Irish and English. Looking at me, most people wouldn't guess I'm from a Spanish background which is probably why we don't get any of the stares or comments that other's may have. However, it does make things super awkward for other people when we are with people and they make negative comments about Latino people and I make mention that I'm of Latino descent. I love that you guys handle things with humor, because in the end, it's not your problem, it's theirs!

    Jessica @ http://moxieandmischief.blogspot.com

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  9. I have many stories...we have been married 31 years. In the early years couples like us were extremely rare. May you have many many more years together!

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    1. I thank God for couples like you that paved the way for other couples like me. :)

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  10. My brother in law is with a Black girl (he's white).. He loves her to pieces and I think that is enough for him because he never says anything about this sort of thing... is it possible that guys just don't care as much?
    As for the people who judge??? Next time I'd tell them to just 'suck it'... sorry, but it bothers me that in 2012 people even have the nerve and energy to judge others...... that's just ridiculous!

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  11. Hi, I am new to your blog. I am in an interracial marriage. We have been married for 8 years now. There are some people that are down right rude, but none quite like family can. I had a grandmother who had disowned me. Some of his family gave him issues too. Over the years things worked themselves out. I have had some women randomly slap me because of it... that was weird. I am white and he is black. The strangest is when cops ask me if I am "alright" because he is with me or driving me. I also let my daughter wear her hair natural, per her request, and we always get the rude comments and looks. The last lady told her that she obviously has a white mommy that doesn't know how to do her hair. I find it sad that we are still in that place as a society but I am also so glad that he is my husband and I couldn't ever imagine any other man... white or black.

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  12. Wow a very interesting post for sure! I'm not in an interracial marriage but I have tons of friends who are, which makes me aware of the particular challenges. It has never bothered me, and frankly, I don't understand why especially in this day and age, it still bothers anyone else! I wish you and your family nothing but love and happiness.

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  13. We don't get harrased, but we get stared at a lot. And, people always ask my husband questions when he's with the boys. Like are they adopted? Or are the his? It happens less to me, but it still happens! We go for the humor as well.

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  14. I seriously can not believe we live in times where this is something that is still a problem. Your love will take over the world someday...and people will stop being completely ridiculous.

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