Farewell My Fair Weather Friends Pt. I

Farewell My Fair Weather Friends Pt. I

This is quite possibly one of the toughest posts I've ever written. Partly because I'm acutely aware that quite a number of my friends read this, and may take great offense to it. And partly because this topic is so very personal. However, after a bit of advice from a "friend" I've decided that in order for me to truly move on, I've got to get this off my chest.

I've come to the realization that amongst other things, becoming a parent can change a friendship. For some, it strengthens the bonds of friendship, making it nearly indestructible. And for others, it leaves it in tatters until no amount of past history can do a thing to repair it.

In my weight-loss journey post a while back, I revealed a bit of info about my pregnancy. That was only the tip of the ice-burg. In order for you to truly understand my post, you're going to need to know more about my pregnancy.

My pregnancy was hands down the most difficult period in my life. There are really no words to describe how depressed I was. Not only did Jasmine come as a complete surprise, but at the time, I had just moved into a new apartment with three roommates and had just begun my junior year of college. James was also living in Charlotte three hours away.

One of my roommates was horrible. She was the typical "college roommate horror story" type that you occasionally look back and reflect upon once you've moved on. She ate what little food I could eat without throwing up. Which at this point wasn't much. She and her boyfriend would invite their friends over almost every night and they would smoke "illegal substances" in the apartment. Not too many people will argue that weed smells disgusting, however, for a pregnant woman, it's about 20 times worse.

Along with a very fragile emotional state, medically, I was falling apart. It was one thing after another. The first trimester, was pure hell. I vomited every. single. day. So much that my doctors grew concerned because I kept losing weight, and couldn't keep a thing down. They eventually had to put me on Zofran, which is a common medication prescribed to cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy. At this point I was going to school everyday; sitting next to students complaining about how tired they were because they had stayed up all night partying.

A few weeks after that, my blood work came back with some troubling results. Apparently my blood platelet levels were abnormally low. Somehow, I had developed something called Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura. To this day we're still not certain what exactly caused it. The doctors speculated that I was just one of the unlucky 7% of women who randomly develop it during pregnancy. Because there was reason for concern, they prescribed steroids, which I was required to take three times a day, and scheduled me for weekly visits to have my blood drawn and monitored.

Still, I went to class every day. Then went straight to work afterwards. And then I went home to my tiny little apartment and curled up into a ball and cried. Every. Single. Night. I honestly can't recall one night in that apartment when I didn't cry myself to sleep. I was beyond depressed. It was so bad that one of my professors pulled me aside one day to ask if everything was okay. 

Now years later, I have to wonder why is it that none of my friends (with the exception of one of my dearest friends) came over to check on me. How did they not notice that I lost almost 14 lbs in two months? These same friends I had comforted as they had gone through their trials. These same friends that I had listed to complain about their relationships, jobs, and life. These same friends that I would have all but walked over hot coals barefoot for. They suddenly seemed to have lost my number.

That apartment became my own little self-imposed prison. I didn't go out an mingle at night. I didn't eat in the cafeteria with friends. I never even had guests over. I went to class, came home. Went straight into my bedroom and closed the door and stayed there until it was time to work. Sometimes I would eat. Most of the time I didn't. 

I began driving home frequently to visit my friends and family. Every time I was in town, I would always go out of my way to make sure that I spent time with everyone. I started noticing that suddenly they had things to do and couldn't meet with me. They had homework to catch up on. Or plans with the family. Except I would get on facebook and see that they were at the movies with friends. 

By my second trimester, I had moved to Charlotte with James. Things had simmered down a bit, and it finally seemed as though we were through the worst of the storm. Boy were we wrong. 

To Be Continued...
READ PART II HERE


Photo cred) Tumbler 

18 comments :

  1. I'm not really sure what to say - I'm so sorry you had to go through this! I'm anxious to read the next part . . . . but don't like the fact that you were "wrong" about things being calmer.

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    1. It's okay, my daughter is here, so we know the story has a happy ending ;)

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  2. I had a very similar experience... both in college in and as an adult. I wasn't pregnant though. In college, I had to work full-time in addition to my 21+ credit hours each semester. None of my friends has to work other than part-time so I had trouble relating to them. They wanted to party but all I wanted to do was sleep.

    When I was battling my cancer... people treated me like I had the plague. I'm guessing its because they didn't know what to say or how to act around me but it still made me feel like an outcast.

    I've lost a lot of friends lately for a variety of reasons. It almost seems like our generation doesn't cherish friendships anymore... at least not like how it was in the past.

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    1. That's so sad. I hate that this happened to you. It's especially troubling that people deserted you when you had cancer. What ever happened to sticking it out with your friends though thick and thin?

      I know my experiences have made me a more intuitive friend. Whenever I see a friend changing in the slightest, I know something is up and try to be there a bit more for them.

      I have to agree with your last statement. I've noticed a lot of young girls these days calling their friends (please excuse my language) "bitches" and all kind of other degrading names. When did that become the cool thing to do? What happened to the days when friends cherished each other and were there to be uplifting. So sad my daughter may never know that...

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  3. I'm anxious to read the next part but I'll echo what Ashley said. People don't know how to deal with adversity. When my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, his BEST FRIEND for over TEN years fell off the face of the earth. No calls. No visits. No emails. Nothing. It took everything in my being to not throw the man out on his arse when he showed up at my dads funeral. I've finally come to realize that it's he that will carry the burden of that decision.. not me and my mom. You'll be better for this, trust me. Friendships are supposed to be mutually beneficial and if they're not - it's your right to kick them to the curb.

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    1. Oh my, I was always under the impression that when your friend/family/loved one is diagnosed with cancer you move heaven and earth to be with them and help them fight. That is terrible. I don't blame you for wanting to do some damage when he showed up at his funeral. (Although I'm sure your dad is proud of you for rising above it).

      I would like to say I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. If he was anything like his daughter, he was a pretty great guy.

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  4. I am so sorry. I really don't even have words. Kudos to you for getting through all of that. What you were going through was hard enough, without having so many of your friends abandon you at the same time. I will definitely be waiting to hear the rest of your story!

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    1. No need to apologize Michelle. The story has a happy ending. Her name is Jasmine :) Working on part II. Hope to have it up next Monday.

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  5. I feel so badly reading the first part of this story. I had to keep reminding myself that it worked out and you and your daughter are now doing well.

    But it breaks my heart to hear that you suffered through so much without the support that you needed.

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    1. I think the struggle made me a stronger mom. Now that I've started letting go of all the people in my life who don't necessarily deserve to be there, I've found myself filling in the holes with good, kind people who are good for my soul.

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  6. That is terrible! Makes me think about my college friends and wonder what they would have done?? I hope I would be a better friend than that - I know I would. So sorry you had to endure that, but glad you came ou on the other side!

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    1. Something tells me you would have been the kind of friend I so desperately needed at that time in my life :)

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  7. I love the quote you included about hard times bringing out the true friends. So very true!! Thanks for sharing your journey through this difficult time. I am glad to know that it has all worked out in the end, but reading it has really touched me. True friendships are so very rare. I cherish those that are true blue to the end SO much!

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    1. Yes, cherish them. They are the friendships that will endure through life's most challenging times. They're the ones that get us through the rough patches.

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  9. Reading this post brought tears to my eyes, Reese. I don't know if it's because I'm preggo now and super emotional, or if it is because I have went through similar situations in my first pregnancy and now in my current pregnancy. It hurts to know that the people you love the most just seem to disappear into thin air when you need them the most. I am anxiously awaiting the next part to your post =)

    hugs,
    Drea

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  10. This was heartbreaking to read. I know how it feels to be pregnant and feel like no one is there. I lost a few friends, but the ones that I belonged in my life remained. I can say that I did have some wonderful friends in my life, but that didn't stop the depression and the anxiety. I just didn't feel like I could talk to them about what was going on, although I really could have and they wouldn't have judged me like I thought they would have. Reading this made me realize how selfish I was at times during my pregnancy, but blessed that everyone close to me never turned their backs on me.

    I am sorry so that you had to deal with this. God has a way of letting us know who's really genuine and who isn't.

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  11. I definitely think that getting married and havin kids shows us who are true friends are. I always try to remember that everything and everyone has a season. Some ppl come into our lives to show us what we don't need and others show us what we need to be seeking more of. I don't know how you lasted so long with the bad roomie. I know I would have been gone because I don't do well with inconsiderate ppl at all.

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