I, on the other hand, was a walking advertisement for your ABC Family movie of the week. You know, the one where the geeky girl (who's portrayed by some ridiculously gorgeous actress) falls in love with the the High School "Hottie", who realizes the error of his ways and professes his undying love and devotion to said geeky girl in front of the whole school. Only that's not how it worked for me.
No, I never got my high school happy ending. Luckily for me, instead I got my real life happy ending. Which was really the best thing because most high school romances are all about the drama. By the time I met Mr. A, I was mature enough to know who I was and what I wanted. And so far it's worked out well for both of us.
Of course high school me had no way of knowing that things would work out for the best. Especially the day my crush decided to announce to the cafeteria that he would not go out with me. Loudly. Purposely. And that just broke my little high school heart.
I wish I could say I tossed back some witty little line about how I'd rather be subjected to having to listen to Nicki Minaj's entire album--twice--rather than go on a date with him. Only I didn't, (partly due to the fact that Nicki Minaj had not yet graced us with her presence). No, instead I skipped 4th period and hid out in the bathroom sobbing my poor little high school eyes out.
I often wonder what I would tell my high school self if I could find a way to travel back to those turbulent adolescent years. I suppose, I would simply tell myself that it gets better. It never seems like it at the time, but it does. I think I'd say, "One day, you'll look back at those moments, those terrible moments, and you'll smile because they made you the woman you are today. One day you'll understand. One day you'll forgive. One day you'll love, and you'll be loved. Immeasurably. Absolutely. Deeply."
I'd tell myself that one day she was going to have an amazing daughter, and her daughter would need her mother to fight for her the same way hers did for her. I'd tell myself to look in the mirror, because the girl I see staring back at me is going to be incredible one day.
Mostly I think I would just hug myself and tell me to pray, and pray hard. And that one day, I would wake up and love myself just a little bit more. And in that moment, I would know that everything was going to be okay.
I suppose this is the great paradox of life. We can always see where we have been and where we currently are, but we have no idea where we are headed. And sometimes that's the most difficult thing of all. To understand that pain is just temporary. I strongly believe that if we can find a way to love ourselves though the pain, we are all the better for it.